WARNING: I will be airing my "dirty laundry" in this post by being brutally honest and using some language that may offend others.
A couple of weeks ago I saw my former neighbor Mike S. on the bus. I think he got on just before I did. He sat down and I sat across the aisle from him.
I said something like “Hey, what’s up?”
He leaned forward a bit and said something I didn’t understand.
I said “What’s new?”
He said “Do I know you?” and sat back with a smirk on his face.
I didn’t say anything more. I thought, “Bullshit you don’t know me. We’ve only been ‘friends’ for about 5 years.” Fucker. I thought about how we had gone out for coffee, for lunch and seen movies together (as friends only). We laughed and joked together. I invited him to Sunrise Fellowship. We went bowling with people from Sunrise. We studied the Bible a bit together. Those parts were nice.
We had heated discussions about religion and cut down each other’s ideas. I was just as guilty as Mike was at cutting down his ideas. He dumped all his personal problems onto me. Mike mocked my ideas about Christianity, actually mocked Jesus Christ, insulted my intelligence, and called me fat and ugly. I remembered how the asshole once wrote me a terribly insulting note and put it under my door. I tore it up and put it in an envelope with a note of my own saying that I refused to accept any more of his insults of my religion or my intelligence anymore. That pretty much severed our (friendship) relationship. Since then I’ve only seen him in passing and our conversations have been pretty brief. All in all our relationship has been strained.
On the bus I resigned myself that he didn’t want to talk to me. I smiled to myself as well and thought “God’s going to get you, Mike S.! You are going to be a tongue-talking born-again Christian soon!” (For years I have had an idea that I think is from God that “in 5 years Mike S. will become a solid, born-again Christian.” I think those 5 years are almost up. The “tongue-talking” part is a bit of sarcasm because in the past Mike ridiculed that particular spiritual gift. I sort of hope that God gives him the very gift he ridiculed.) As I got off the bus I stepped towards him and said “God’s blessings be upon you, Mike S.”
At first I thought of saying it as one last “Fuck you” of sorts. Then I changed my mind and thought that saying it would be like that verse somewhere in the New Testament which talks about being nice to an enemy to “heap burning coals on his head.” I realized those ideas sort are sort of selfish. The truth is God really is going to bless Mike S.! He didn’t respond, but I said what I needed to say.
As I stepped off the bus I prayed and gave Mike to God, as much as I could do something like that. I told God I wanted to be done with the spiritual ties to my friendship with Mike. I wanted to be done with the emotional baggage that his insults left with me. As I walked home I coughed a couple times. I didn’t have a cold or anything. I think God was taking care of “spiritual junk” and I was coughing it out. That may not make sense to anyone but me. Oh well.
I was planning on blogging about this incident and focusing on how unfair the whole thing was that after 5 years Mike would ask “Do I know you?” I left in the cursing to convey those ideas. I guess the language conveys my resentment toward the whole situation rather than actual anger. I discussed it with my friend Sherry today. She counseled Mike in the past. She said Mike called her recently. She thought that something was wrong because Mike’s conversation wasn’t coherent. She thought maybe demons were giving him a hard time. Maybe Mike really is going to become a solid born-again believer in Christ soon and that’s why things seem to be going wrong spiritually speaking!
Sherry didn’t tell me everything, but a while back she told me how she saw some of Mike’s emotional and spiritual hurt while counseling him. She has helped me to see God’s compassion for Mike and to cultivate my own sense of God’s compassion for people. Perhaps that’s why I cry when I pray earnestly for people. I am very grateful for Sherry’s reminders about God’s perspective as a loving Father who has compassion on His children. It helps me gain a Godly perspective on what would otherwise make me bitter.
