I have never been all that thrilled about Christmas. When I was younger my mom was not all that excited over Christmas. We didn't bake cookies for Christmas or do much decorating. I remember hearing Christmas Carols playing on the street in downtown Waterloo during the holiday season. I think it was piped in over some PA system right before Christmas. I remember being sort of annoyed by it, not every year though.
I bought my mom two gifts for Christmas. I feel kind of empty giving them to her though. It doesn't have a lot of meaning for me. It's just something I have to do each year or she'll get upset and think I don't love her. I do love her. It should be something special for me to think of something nice for her and go buy it. It's not. She buys me a gift for my birthday and for Christmas. They are ok gifts, nothing fancy. I don't feel particularly happy or excited to get them, though. I wonder if other people feel the same way.
I find myself preferring to be alone these days. I spend a lot of time online. I play games, listen to music, and chat with friends on Yahoo Messenger. I have a few things I do offline, like read books, go to coffeeshops and watch DVDs. I think it's because I am depressed. I probably could use an antidepressant for a while to get myself out of this rut. Maybe I should go and buy St. John's Wort and see if it will help.
Things are going to change in about a week though. I got a new job at a place called Reserve America. I will be taking phone orders for people buying tickets through Ticketmaster for concerts and sporting events. The training starts Jan. 3rd. I'll most likely be working days, so I will have less time online. I hope I can juggle that job, volunteering for Sherry, and minimal hours at the Survey Center. I definitely need the money.
